did it ever occur to you 

that most of our conversations 

were not through words

it was the countless sighs

the involuntary moans

and the murmuring of our bodies 

no lullaby can ever be any sweeter

than the way you cradle my name

on your lips 

my thoughts are my own demons

i am willing to give my all to anybody 

but at the same time i know i don’t deserve them

or at least know that the person they would want would not be me

i am a bad person

just because i don’t say it in open air

doesn’t mean it wasn’t strikingly alive inside my mind

I  kept recalling our memories

as I continued to scribble.  

The pencil eventually dulled

and likewise became pointless. 

We had so much potential

that rather it bringing us together

it drove us to seeking for better

With the use of your mouth,

you scraped memories.

With the use of your arms,

you bruised fantasies.

With the use of your eyes,

you reflected ideas.

And yet I can’t begin to put a finger on you. 


It’s tough knowing whether I get over things or time lessens the pain over time only to have it crawling back to you stronger as ever with explicit realizations of the situation. One memory that I keep coming back to is that one morning. Sometimes you just get this feeling of being right about something and at the same time you don’t want to be right. I wanted to be absolutely wrong. Apparently we revise each memory every time we recall them but I could still feel the burning in my nose all the way travelling to my lungs with the cold breeze that that morning invited along with the pure blue sky. I remember it was the middle of the week, thinking it was just another ordinary December day and I had to hurry up or else traffic will eventually ride along with us. 

It’s been over 3 years and it’s still the same vision I see every single time I go out in the backyard. How the grass around you curved around your body as if it was ready to hug you to sleep forever. They say when dogs die they hide, you were really smart to put yourself there. I remember looking out to the patio only to see Bruno greeting me and right then I knew there was something off. It wasn’t the fact that you both always stick together by the hip or how sometimes you keep yourself inside your house but keep your head out to stare but it was the way Bruno acted going back and forth to the door and where you were at. I didn’t want to be the one to find you. I already knew before I stepped out.

It’s easier to find comfort in objects and even more effortless to suspect a person to blame. 

The warm blanket of sadness protects me

The surprising breeze of cold happiness sweeps me off my feet

Only to let me crawl further into bed

you will never walk in my shoes unless i let you borrow it and we share the same size ranging from 7-8 and a half depending on the shoe brand

If we’re in the midst of making out, the music would be the least of my concerns and I honestly would be more physically concentrated.

My mom’s interest at the miscellaneous facts I throw at her during dinner simply makes me giggle; there are never useless facts.